


Sex Ed

by scruffandyarn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Condoms, F/M, Sex Education, figuring stuff out, penis naming, you may never look at the Wizard of Oz the same again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-17 01:38:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5848936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scruffandyarn/pseuds/scruffandyarn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Misadventures in sex ed.  Or something like that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex Ed

“Do you know what you’re doing?”  You sat up on the bed, watching.

Cas was completely perplexed by the tiny packages in his hand.  “There are no instructions on how to use them.”

“I thought those things were supposed to come with instructions.”  You cocked your head to the side.  

“Dean gave these to me.  Apparently, he threw out the instructions.”

Great.  That meant Dean knew what the two of you were up to.  You tried not to let yourself get too embarrassed at the thought.  “Um…maybe we should check online?”

He nodded.  You hurried over to grab your laptop and set it on the bed between you.  Biting your lip, you typed in your search and clicked on the first link that popped up.  It was a government health website, so you hoped you’d get some factual information.

“Carefully open the package.”  Cas completed the step as he read the instructions.  Then he looked back at the screen just as you scrolled down to step two.  “What is that?” He pointed at the picture.

“Um…” You puzzled over it for a moment.  “I think that’s supposed to be hair?”

“That does not look like hair, ______.  It looks like one of the brillo pads you keep under the sink.”

You snorted, before covering your mouth with your hands.  

His eyes were still glued to the screen.  “How do I know if I put it on backwards?”

“I…I don’t know.”  You dropped your hands back to your laptop and scrolled down the page.  “I guess, if you do, we’ll just have to use another one?”

He furrowed his brow and looked down at himself.  “How do I know if I’ve been circumcised or not?”

You paused.  “I don’t know.”  Quickly, you opened a new tab and searched.  “Wow.  OK.  Yeah.  This just became a lot less sexy.”  You closed the tab just as quickly.  “Judging by the pictures, I’d say circumcised.”

“I don’t…I don’t think I’m hard enough anymore, ______.” He looked up at you. “Those pictures were decidedly unarousing.”

You bit your lip.  “How about this?” You leaned forward and pressed your lips to his.  One hand rested on his neck for a moment before you ran your fingertips down his bare chest.  “Is this OK?” Your hand trailed lower.

“Y-yeah.”  This time, he leaned in, pressing you back against your pillow as he kissed you.  “I love you, ______.”

“I love you, too, Cas.”  Your hand continued to trail down, tracing the V of is hips, before running along his length.  It twitched against your fingertips and felt him smile against your lips.  “Think you’re ready for the next step?”

He nodded and sat up, turning his attention back to your laptop.  

“Not exactly what I had in mind.” You pushed yourself up, huffing out a laugh. If nothing else, his eagerness was making your nervousness disappear.  Smiling to yourself, you leaned over his shoulder to see the screen.  

“Pinch the tip.”  He seemed to be studying the condom, turning it over in his fingers.  “Hmmm.”  He held the tip in between his thumb and forefinger, then turned his head to look at you.  “Like this?”

“I think so.” You twisted your lips.  “I think it has to be able to roll.  If you start to put it on and it doesn’t roll down, then it’s backwards.”

“Alright.”  He pressed the condom down and attempted to roll it along his shaft.  “That–I think it’s backwards.”

“OK, then we get another one.” You snatched up the rest of the condoms and handed them to him.

“Dean only gave me five.”

“How many times were you planning on doing this tonight?” You weren’t exactly experienced.  The farthest you’d ever gone with a guy was when you were a college sophomore and you’d gotten to second base (if you remembered correctly what each of them stood for).

Cas was even less experienced than you, which made you a lot less nervous, knowing he’d have very little in the way of expectations you would have no idea how to meet.  Even through his thousands of years as an angel, the most he’d ever done was to kiss that demon, Meg.  Now that he was a human, the two of you had agreed to wait until you were both ready.

Apparently, he was ready enough to want to have five rounds of sex in your first night together.

“How many times is customary?”

“Well, with the way this tutorial is going, we might not even make it to one.” You looked down to find him softening again.  “How about this? You figure out the condom thing, I’ll try to keep you interested.” You kissed along his collarbone, headed towards his neck.

“Oh, I’m very interested.” He hissed a little when you nipped him with your teeth.  “It’s Oz that’s having trouble.”

Startled, you stopped moving and sat back. “Cas, who is Oz?”

“Oz the Great and Powerful.” He said it like you were supposed to know who he was talking about.  “My penis.”  He twisted around to look at you.

“What?”  You stared at him, mouth agape.  “You named your penis?”

“Well, Dean was referring to it as ‘Little Cas’ when he gave me the condoms, but I’ve come to understand that using the word ‘little’ to describe the penis is not a compliment.  I decided Oz was a much better name.”

You immediately covered your eyes with your hands.  You could not look at him.  He was so deadpan, meaning every word that spilled out of his mouth.  If you were to look at him right now…

“______?”

You moved your fingers apart and glanced at him.  The worried look on his face broke the dam, and the first of your giggles spilled out.  

“W-why Oz?” You choked out.

“My original idea had been to call it canse.”

“Kah-neh-seh?”

“Enochian for ‘mighty’.  But, being human now, I felt it was only right to give it a human name.”

“So you opt for naming your… _angel blade_ ‘Oz the great and powerful’?” More giggles slipped past your lips. 

“I don’t believe I understand that re–”

You made a gesture with your hands and his eyes lit up.

“Ah.  Yes.  I do understand that reference.” 

That did it.   The more you tried to wrap your brain around what he’d told you, the worse your laughter got.

He cocked an eyebrow at you, the corners of his mouth turning up.  Maybe he didn’t understand what you found so funny, but it seemed to make him happy that you were happy.

“Oh, Cas,” you rubbed your eyes as your laughter began to die out.  “I love you.”

“I love you, too, ______.” He looked a little perplexed as you leaned in and kissed him.

“So, I’ll try to keep Oz in the game while you figure out the condom,” you pressed your lips to his neck, nibbling at the spot just below his ear.  “OK?”

“Right.”

You kissed along his chest, trying to make sure you didn’t block his view of the computer screen.  From the corner of your eye, you could see Cas’s penis ( _not Oz_ , you’d never be able to keep a straight face if you thought about that name) twitch again.  You slid your hand over to stroke along the length, smiling when you felt him harden in your hand.

Cas moaned and his hips jerked, thrusting into your loose grip.  “That feels so good, ______.”

You lifted your head to see Cas’s was leaning back, his eyes closed.  Every movement of your hand had him breathing a little faster.  He moaned again and bit his lip, and you decided you’d never seen anything or anyone sexier.

“Cas,” you whimpered.  “I think…can you…can you touch me, please?”

Immediately, his hands reached for you, one tangling in your hair, the other resting against your hips, his fingers on your bare skin sending delicious tingles through your body.  He pulled you gently and tucked you under his frame.  His slow exploration of your mouth combined with the feel of him pressing you into the mattress felt so good.  When his hands began a similar, slow exploration of your body, you arched into his touch.

“Castiel,” you were panting by the time his fingers tentatively slipped in between your legs. “Cas,” you could feel his erection against your thigh. “Cas, condom.”

“Right.”  He pushed himself off of you with a puzzled look.  As his eyes darted around, his confusion only seemed to grow.  “Where did I put it?”  

Cas moved back far enough for you to sit up.  As soon as you did, you felt something hit your leg.  “Cas?”  You picked up the condom.  “Did you…was this in my hair?”

“Damn it.”  He looked so crestfallen.

“No!  No, no, baby.  It’s fine.  Look, we’ll see if this one is still good.”  You scooted back to your laptop and quickly typed in your search.  “Um…yeah, Google isn’t really clear on whether you can still use a condom after it’s been in the hair on someone’s head.” You bit your lip and looked over at Cas.  “Third time’s the charm, though, right?”

He sighed and reached for the remaining condoms.  “I feel like this is a sign.”

“You-you don’t want to have sex anymore?” You tried to keep the hurt from your voice.

He shook his head.  “I do, it’s just…I keep messing this up.”

“Hey,” you cupped his face in your hands and pressed your lips to his, every part of you wanting to erase that dejected look from his features.  “It’s OK.  Neither one of us knows what we’re doing.  And that’s OK.  We’re learning together.  And there’s no one else I’d rather learn with.” The corners of his mouth started to slide upward.  “If you don’t want to–”

His lips cut off the rest of your sentence.  Then he pulled away and began to raise one of the packets up.

“No! No teeth, remember!”  At least, that’s what you remembered seeing on the instructional website.

“Oh, yeah.”  His cheeks tinted pink as he hurried to tear open the wrapper.  “Pinch the tip,” he began reciting to himself.  “Roll it down.”  Thank goodness it seemed to be on right-side out this time.  “I think that’s right?” He looked up at you, hopeful.

You bit your lip.  “You ready?”

He nodded. “Are you?”

It was your turn to nod.

.

You wound up using the other two condoms that night as well.

* * *

_A few weeks later…_

.

You were standing near one of the library’s bookshelves, searching for some information needed for the latest case Dean and Sam had taken on.  Sam was sitting at the table, leafing through a rather large book, his laptop sitting next to that, looking through what he’d found.  All was quiet, save Sam’s occasional page turn, and your steps as you made your way along the row of books.

Until Hurricane Dean blew in.

“I swear to g–something, I swear I need brain bleach.”

You peeked around from behind the shelf to see Dean had flopped down in the chair across from Sam, his back to you.

“Uh…” Sam paused.  “Are you OK?  Your face is red.”

“Word of advice, Sam.” You heard what sounded like someone taking a swig from a bottle.  “If Cas ever mentions someone named Oz to you, walk away.”

Your eyes widened in horror when your brain finally processed what Dean was talking about.

“Oz? Who’s th–”

“No!” Dean took another long pull from his bottle. “You and me, we will never speak of Oz again. Cas–nope. There is no Oz. Oz is dead. Oz is he who cannot be named.”

“I think you mean ‘must not’ be–”

“Sammy?” Dean set down the bottle–whiskey from the looks of it–and leaned forward.  “Shut the fuck up before I stab you.”

“Right.”  You could hear the confusion in Sam’s voice as you fought to smother your giggles with your hands.

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you’re curious about the websites they visited, yes, I was very thorough in my research for this fic. 
> 
> Google ‘condom instructions’ and this is the first site listed (not an ad): https://www.health.ny.gov/publications/instructions_male_condom.pdf
> 
> https://www.google.com/search?q=circumcised+and+uncircumcised&hl=en&biw=1366&bih=643&site=webhp&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&sqi=2&ved=0ahUKEwjXhcSov8HKAhWFZCYKHcOPCaUQ_AUIBigB
> 
> https://www.google.com/webhp?hl=en#hl=en&q=Can+you+use+a+condom+after+it%27s+been+in+someone%27s+hair
> 
> that last one is probably the weirdest thing I have ever searched up on Google. The FBI is going to have a field day with my web history.


End file.
